May 2022: How's the Weather?
My mood is weather dependent. I wish it were not. The gray clouds of a blustery day infiltrate my mind with brain fog and swirling thoughts, leaving me fuzzy and unsettled. The energy it takes to remain sunny on the inside despite the dull and shifting surround is depleting, yet instantly recharges with no effort on my part when the sunshine returns. For whatever reason, the sun is my energy surge and I miss its radiance blocked above the inclement atmosphere.
A former coworker’s mood was also weather dependent but experienced the opposite. Full sun made her squint giving her headaches as she longed for the relief that came from an overcast sky. I purposefully remember her when a day manifests in her preference, giving me some solace in knowing she’s having a good day amidst my personal glitch.
As I attempt to move beyond being a fair-weather person, it does not come naturally. I type, and the dim daylight penetrating the windowpanes requires a flip of the light switch to subdue the computer screen glare. Deenergized, unmotivated, I make the best of what the day has to offer and try not to be a sourpuss. After all, there is nothing specifically wrong in my immediate sphere. It’s just the passing weather.
Perhaps embracing my gloom amidst the day is a kinder approach than prodding myself to change how I feel. After all, my best inner healing work came from holding myself, as is, with love. The constant attempt to fix imperfections that interfered with my wellbeing shapeshifted, adding to the burdens that ailed me. How can one feel better when being continuously nitpicked to do better, to be better? Maybe a glum me on a gray day is good enough, and I can embrace the mood and the weather for what it is, a fleeting phase that I neither label as good or bad, nor internalize.
I already feel relief with this subtle shift. My resistance eases, surrendering the need to fight with myself against the day. Why create more stress when my spirit is already floundering? TLC is my best remedy, coming from within. I’ll settle for unpreferred weather, hugging my inner meh, and in doing so, open the possibility to embody the transformation I seek by holding myself, as is, with love.